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Sex Shouldn’t Hurt (Even After Having Babies)

The Reality of Pain During Sex

Sex should be pleasurable. It shouldn’t be accompanied by searing pain. You shouldn’t have to drink wine, get high, brace yourself to “just get through it,” or use any other numbing or distraction tricks to do it. Yet, you may be one of every 7 women [estimated] to experience pelvic pain with intercourse.

You may feel like you’re the ONLY ONE. Experiencing pain during sex can be isolating and frustrating. It’s such a private subject that most women aren’t talking to their friends about it. It can make you feel embarrassed and like there’s something wrong with you. It can isolate you from your partner or from even wanting to be in a relationship because you’re worried that you won’t find a lover who is patient and understanding.

Navigating Pelvic Pain

In my experience, it can be a real challenge to navigate pelvic pain on your own because of the different facets that can contribute to this type of pain. For some women, they experience pain with sex from the first moment they have intercourse and spend years working with their partner to discover how to navigate their intimate life together to flip the switch from pain to pleasure.

For other women, they once had an enjoyable, pleasurable sex life and then something changes after pregnancy and childbirth, and they need some guidance to get back to the pleasure they once had. For other women, something just changes—they can’t even pinpoint that change in their life—maybe it came on gradually or all of a sudden, but there’s no clear explanation for it. Regardless of when it starts or how, it points to a problem with the pelvic floor muscles.

Hope and Help

I want to tell you that there is hope and there is something that can be done about it that doesn’t involve popping pain pills, drinking wine, smoking weed, or completely ignoring your own needs and dignity for your partner’s sake. I recently sat down with Bea Leichliter to record an episode for the “My Body, My Bump, My Baby” podcast, and we talked about pain during sex after birth.

If you are experiencing pain during intercourse, even if you have never had a baby, I urge you to give it a listen by clicking the button below. I go over some common reasons women have pain with intercourse, and they may surprise you. I also dish with Bea about ways that I help women who are experiencing pelvic pain in my private PT practice.

Finding Real Solutions

If you have pain during sex and you haven’t found any real solutions, I’d like to help you. You’ve probably already tried using more lube and it doesn’t work. You’ve probably tried other positions and you’re still in pain. You’ve probably tried more foreplay and penetration STILL hurts. You probably thought time would heal everything. You may have thought it would get better after you had your baby because your vagina was super stretched to deliver your baby, so why would things still hurt, right?

My 3-Step Process to Relieve Pain During Sex

1. I Listen To Your Story

You are more than your vagina, so I want to hear your story. I bet I can help you in ways that you didn’t expect from a Physical Therapist. That’s because I consider my patients WHOLE PEOPLE, not just a body part or a body area.

2. I Find Out Why The Pain Started

I’ll do an assessment of your body. Sure, I’ll need to eventually assess your pelvic area, but it’s not the first place we start. My first goal is to look at you as a WHOLE PERSON and build your trust. Everything I do is done with respect and your safety in mind. Trust me, I’ve seen a lot of women who have been mistreated, abused, and assaulted.

3. I Help You Get Rid Of The Pain & Keep It From Coming Back

I’m here to guide you from where you are (in pain) to where you want to be (out of pain and into pleasure-town), even if you feel stuck right now. I will develop a customized plan for you based on what I find during my assessment and by collaborating with you. It’s not just about what I can do for you, it’s also learning what you can do for yourself.

Ready to Get Started?

If you’re ready to get started, simply smash that button below and let’s chat.


Justine Calderwood

The Healing Spot Physical Therapy

"We Help Individuals Overcome Pelvic Floor Issues, And Heal Bowel & Bladder Conditions So They Can Be Active and Pain Free Again, Regardless of How Long It's Been"